KrsnaGuruji teaches, “The brightest of the beings have the darkest of sides also. He knows how to get out of it soonest.”
Lord, I am in need of handholding. You have brought me to a crossroads. I do not know how to proceed. This is how it is right now. I am trying to discern if I am experiencing an issue with an old tendency or am experiencing a spiritual crisis. They look quite similar.
At this very time, I do not know how to go beyond my current purview. What is the next step? One turns inward to find the self and practices to become steady in that knowledge, but what then? My life is not yet fully in the spiritual, and still, my life is no longer of the material world alone.
(Note: Between the above paragraphs and the ones below, there was a change. At last by His grace and power, the answer was presented. I was listening to a podcast, and by His blessing, I could comprehend what was said.)
It’s samskara (stored impressions and imprints) that rises up and triggers tendencies. Most days I win, but there have been too many consecutive days whereby I hadn’t been able to keep it in check. It grew and grew until it enveloped me and clouded my ability to discriminate the real from the unreal. And even though it is now in check those days of wallowing are now stored and sure to test me another day.
This experience is the cause of great disappointment for me. Just when my path seemed as though it was clearing, there was yet another challenge. It is embarrassing that not too long ago I wrote about this same issue. Why couldn’t I recognize right away that this was just Maya’s play? Why did I allow my emotions to run wild? How many more times will I fall prey to these old tendencies?
All of this strife has been Citta (mind stuff). Truly, there is a need for me to catch the samskara before it rises and neutralize it before it disturbs the mind. Instead of allowing it rise to affect me and become an additional negative samskara, I could have seen for what it was, and then the new samskara would have been that this is unreal.
In The Bhagavad Gita, it is taught that the controlled mind can be one’s best friend, but the uncontrolled mind can be one’s biggest enemy! The sooner that the rising garbage is recognized for what it is—mind stuff—the quicker one can get out of it.
The Truth, Guruji says, is one must have absolute Faith in God and Guru. In the face of absolute Faith, none of this should disturb you. Faith Absolute!
